PATHETIC – DOESN’T ANYONE HAVE A BACKBONE???

Tags

Abuse, cultural perspective, women

The day before I flew back to the U.S., a friend, I will call her Debbie, told me about a young woman who is being beaten by her husband.   One of the most severe beatings had happened in public and no one had stepped in to help her.  The situation has become so bad that Debbie sequestered money so that the young woman could access it if she needs to flee.  I was dismayed because I knew this young woman and if I had known earlier, I would have tried to see if there was something I could have done to intervene.

The question becomes how do I help when I am miles away and come from a different cultural perspective?  A perspective that promotes women are equal to men and should have the same rights and that a man has no right to abuse a woman and for that matter, a woman has no right to abuse a man.  I believe that community members should be willing to stand up when they see abuse, especially the Christian community.

It breaks my heart that this young woman is a Christian and supposedly her husband is also.   It has become apparent that fellow Christians know she is being beaten, yet are not willing to say or do anything.  This is one of the times when I think it is appropriate to ask, “What would Jesus do?”   Can you imagine Jesus standing there as a woman gets beat and saying this is none of my business?

End Of Flowers
Lonely she watches over the crumbling ruins, being the only one to see how everything falls apart, including her own image on the wall…

As much as I want to jump right in and do something, you have to be careful because your actions can make the situation worse or even deadly.   So I e-mailed Debbie and asked permission to write the Christian organization, with which the victim is affiliated, and let them know what is happening.  Debbie felt this was not the best time to e-mail the organization based on the response from the victim.  The young woman believes it probably wouldn’t do any good because more than likely the local organization’s administration would see it as a family matter and therefore would not intervene.  And an intervention might put the organization in an awkward situation, which could be harmful for them and their families.  And it probably would make things worse for the young woman.

When I received that reply, part of me wanted to jump up and yell – PATHETIC – DOESN’T ANYONE HAVE A BACKBONE???  As Christians aren’t we called to take risk and standup for the poor and oppressed?  (And let’s not kid ourselves the same thing happens to women in the West, it just isn’t as overt.)

However I know this is an over reaction because this might not be the organizations response at all, but the perception of the victim based on what normally happens in her culture.

What have I decided to do?  Out of respect for this young woman’s request and concern for her well being, I am going to wait a month or two and then I will write to the organization about setting up a future policy to help women who find themselves in this situation.  By this time, the young woman will no longer be affiliated.  I am hoping when I write that the young woman’s assumption is wrong.  Instead, she and others will find that this Christian organization will be a force in the community promoting equality and safety for women.

I will continue to pray that this young woman will be able to get the help that she needs and will keep in touch with Debbie.  I have to be realistic and understand that the only other way I might be able to help from such a distance is financially.   However, in the back of my mind I keep having this niggling thought – why aren’t you doing more Vicki?  Is it true there is nothing more you can do or don’t you have a backbone?

Photo credit: SnaPsi Сталкер / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

——————————————————————————————————–

What is a Think Through?  it is an idiom that conveys the meaning of carefully considering possibilities and outcomes of a situation.

Today’s Think Through:  What would you do if you were in this situation?  Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated?

REPUGNANCE OF THE SOUL

Tags

Dr. Kass, morals, philosophy, repugnance, soul

I have always thought that I would like to be a part of a “think tank.”   The idea to be able to research and debate issues and then suggest answers to problems seems like the ultimate job.   And then I read comments from someone like Leon Kass and determine that I would be way out of my league.  Dr. Kass is an eminent bioethicist and physician who is not afraid to share his perspective on issues that can have a profound effect on the human race, even though he is often in the minority.

In a WSJ interview Dr. Kass observed that the world’s indifference to the matters of human dignity is increasing.  He proffers that when we look at situations such as the murder of infants by the Philadelphia abortion doctor, Kermit Gosnell, we should feel a sense of repugnance.  He states,

“As pain is to the body so repugnance is to the soul…So too with anger and compassion.  Repugnance is some kind of wake-up call that there is something untoward going on and attention must be paid.  These passions are not simply irrational.  They contain within them the germ of insight.  You cannot give proper verbal account of the horror of evil, yet a culture that couldn’t be absolutely horrified by such things is dead.”

Kass goes on to say that his fear is that American society is in danger of being “disrespectful of dignity and indifferent of degradation.”  He speaks to the issue of abortion, but he also believes that the same danger rears its ugly head when we seek after “perfect babies, ageless bodies, and happy souls” with the use of modern technology and psychopharmacology.    He warns that the advancement in science does not mean the advancement of morals.

I have thought a lot about this interview.  I am sure that it has intrigued me because Dr. Kass has so eloquently expressed what I have been thinking (though I do not presume that my thinking plumbs the depths as his does). From my own observation, and perhaps a reflection of my own actions, instead of recoiling to what is happening around us we often turn our heads thinking there is nothing we can do because it seems so overwhelming.   Or we fall into the trap of not questioning the cultural philosophy that is being fed to us or the use of the latest technology.   Instead like lemmings we follow others without raising the question of where we are going and how it will affect human dignity.

I encourage you to read the interview with Dr. Kass, The Meaning of the Gosnell Trial.  Then share your thoughts.

Photo credit: h.koppdelaney / Foter.com / CC BY-ND

———————————————————————————————————

What is a Think Through?  it is an idiom that conveys the meaning of carefully considering possibilities and outcomes of a situation.

Today’s Think Through:  How would you respond to Dr. Kass’ stance?  To the critic that believes the word, repugnance, should not be used because it is prejudicial in nature and can be used to exclude certain groups or people?

ADDING VALUE THROUGH A CONVERSATION – I THINK?

Tags

adding value

Since I have been home from Liberia I have been re-engineering what my professional life will look like.   I am taking the next two to three months to do a lot of reflecting (praying), reading, training, and planning.   One of the endeavors I have decided to participate in is the John Maxwell Team training.  I have always enjoyed Maxwell’s work because his leadership training is based on foundational principles that are consistent with my Christian worldview.

As I contemplated if I would join the training I listened to one of John Maxwell’s podcast and heard him state that it is important to “add value to the lives of others, to do it well, to do it consistently and to do it with integrity.”   I thought yes, this is a philosophy of leadership training that I want to follow.

TRYING TO ADD VALUE

The other day I went to the YMCA for my regular workout.   As I sat down to use one of the weight machines, an older gentleman on the machine next to me began a conversation.  Sometimes when I am working out I don’t really want to talk to anyone but just concentrate on what I am doing.  I thought to myself life is about adding value – I need to show a genuine interest in this man and carry on a conversation.  Perhaps he is lonely and needs someone with whom to talk.  So our conversation went something like this:

Older Gentleman:  Three people have been on that machine since I have been sitting here.

Me:   Well, it is part of the circuit that we use when doing weights.

The man began to tell me about his back problems, which really ended up being hip problems.  He had had two hip replacements.

Me:   It makes you thankful for your health doesn’t it, especially now that you are able to stand up and move.

Older Gentleman:  I have never thought about being thankful for my health.

A significant switch in the conversation then occurred.

Older Gentleman:  That is an old crown that was probably put in during the ‘70s.  The guy that put it in is probably dead.

Me:   (What is he talking about?  The crown in my mouth?)  Oh… (hesitant), are you a dentist?

Older Gentleman:  Use to be.  You better watch it when the undertaker buries you he’ll yank it out.

I smiled and walked by him as I made my way to another machine.  Again another switch in the conversation.

Older Gentleman:  Did you go to church Sunday?

Me:   Yes I did, I went to Cornerstone in Brighton.

Older Gentleman:  I hear that is a good church.

He then proceeded to tell me about a number of churches that he had tried and what he didn’t like about them.   I told him that he would have to try Cornerstone; we have great music and preaching. 

I can’t remember exactly how, but the conversation moved on to the fact that I had been traveling back and forth to Liberia.

Older Gentleman:  Well who pays for you to go?

Me:   I do

Older Gentleman:  You must be rich.

Me:  No.

Older Gentleman:  Are you married?  (I nodded yes).  Too bad my plan won’t work…does your husband go along with you?

Me:  He went with me once a year?

Older Gentleman:  Well that cost even more money – he must be rich.  What did he do?

Me:  No he is not rich, we just saved.  He was a detective lieutenant in the Michigan State Police.

Older Gentleman:  He must be in good shape.  (Of course, honey I told him you were.)

Older Gentleman:  Well I wouldn’t have the money to do what you have done; I have spent it all on my three wives who have left me.   To bad you are married, I like someone with spunk.  Do you have a sister?

Me:  No.

Older Gentleman:  Do you have any girl friends?  (Don’t worry girl friends I didn’t sell you out.)

Me (smiling):  I am not for sure that my friends would trust a man who has been married three times.

Older Gentleman:  I don’t want to marry them just someone to date.

Me:  Hmmmmm.

Concluding that the conversation was over, the older gentleman picked-up both of his canes and slowly made his way toward the fitness room exit.

WHAT SHOULD I BE THINKING

I couldn’t help but laugh as I reflected on exactly how I should be feeling after the conversation that just occurred.  I figured that I had four options:

1. Depressed that this older gentleman targeted me as viable dating material.
2. Pleased that he knew a real “quality” woman when he saw one.
3. Thankful for the tip to get the gold cap on my back molar yanked out before I die and I am sent to the undertaker (I need to leave some type of inheritance for my daughter:-).
4. Have a good laugh because laughter adds value to anyone’s day.

I opted for “4.”   I am still laughing about the conversation as I write this post.  I hope I added some value to his day, because he certainly did mine.

———————————————————————————————————

What is a Think Through?  it is an idiom that conveys the meaning of carefully considering possibilities and outcomes of a situation.

Today’s Think Through:  What has added value to your life today?

 

MEMORIES SPARKED

Tags

children, fathers, Marriage, mothers, out-of-wedlock birth

I had arrived at my classroom early and was writing information on the white board to prepare for class.  Two female students entered the college classroom, took their seats and began a discussion about one of their mutual friends.   The conversation went something like this.

Student 1:  “I heard that Amy (fictional name) is pregnant.”

Student 2:   “Yeah, she is but she is not going to marry the baby’s father.”

Student 1:  “Oh, I didn’t know that.”

Student 2:  “She doesn’t need the baby’s father anyway; her dad said she could live with him.  She can do it on her own.”

I am not quite for sure what possessed me because I pivoted around with an incredulous look on my face and said to the student, “Do you really believe what you just said?   If you do then I think you need to think about reality.   The likelihood of your friend living in poverty has just increased.   Statistically as a single mom she will not be able to complete her education and will struggle much of her adult life trying to raise a child while working at a low paying job.  I addition if your friend makes no effort to keep the biological father in the picture, more than likely her child will struggle the rest of his life wondering why his father abandoned him.”

Oh there was so much more that I wanted to say, but I stopped myself because they were looking at me like I was a mad woman.  Thank goodness it was toward the end of the semester and they knew that I usually was not so confrontational with students.

This scenario actually happened over 10 years ago; the vivid remembrance was sparked by the 2013 report, Knot Yet: The Benefits and Costs of Delayed Marriage in America, published by The National Marriage Project.

Knot Yet – The Benefits and Costs…nationalmarriageproject.org

The report stated that though fewer teenagers are having children out of wedlock, there has been a substantial increase of unmarried moms in their twenties.  “By age 25, 44 percent of women have had a baby, while only 38 percent have married; by the time they turn 30, about two-thirds of American women have had a baby, typically out of wedlock. Overall, 48 percent of first births are to unmarried women, most of them in their twenties. (p. 3).”   The researchers found that the highest number of unmarried women in their twenties with children were high school graduates with only a year or two of college.  Women with a bachelor’s degree or higher were usually waiting to be married before having children.

Perhaps one of the key findings of the report was that young adults view  “marriage as a ‘capstone’ rather than a ‘cornerstone’ – that is something they do after they have all their ducks in a row, rather than a foundation for a launching into adulthood and parenthood (p. 4).”   The researchers point out that young people want to be married someday; they just don’t see any reason in marrying young.  Nor do most in this age range see marriage as a necessity in raising children.  Even if the couple is cohabitating when the woman gets pregnant, they still see no hurry in getting married – they can get married later.  The reality is that in a high number of cases the relationship with the baby’s father  doesn’t last.  The couple never get married, the man leaves, and the woman finds herself parenting on her own.

Even though the unmarried mother may be older, the repercussions remain the same.  Statistically the mother and child will have a greater chance of living in poverty, with the children having more behavioral problems, higher drug use, increased problems in school, are less likely to get a college education, and more likely to become single parents.

As I read through the report I kept thinking of the unintended consequences that these choices would have on the children and the single mother.  My thoughts drifted back to last fall when I taught human development at a Liberian university.

ANOTHER MEMORY

It was a busy week with my afternoons filled with students who came to my office to discuss their biopsychosocial papers they were writing for the human development course.  During the discussion of how each student’s family had influenced him/her biologically, psychologically, and socially a common theme began to unravel, especially with the young men.  As personal stories were shared, students talked about being raised by their mothers who had sacrificed so much to care for them.  But the stories inevitably included images of poverty, hunger, struggling to survive, and of the longing to know their biological fathers.  The students’ voices waivered with deep sorrow as they shared how being abandoned by their fathers had shaped their lives.

I wasn’t surprised to hear these stories because Liberia has the second highest rate in the world of teen-age pregnancy between 15-19 years old.   Obviously this has had a significant social and economic impact on Liberia with women and children bearing the brunt of this harsh reality.   Many of these young women live in squalid conditions; their children never know their fathers, and the father of their children move on impregnating other women.

As a woman it breaks my heart that we live in a world that negates the importance of both a mother and a father being involved in and taking responsibility for child rearing.  I know that life is not perfect and there are many single parents that are doing a fabulous job of raising their children, but I am sadden for them because parenting is hard and being a single parent makes it even harder.   As much as the single parent tries to keep it together, the parent and the child(ren) are at the risk of facing unintended consequences.

QUESTIONS RAISED

The purpose of this post is not to cast aspersion upon women in their twenties that are having children out of wedlock, but to raise questions:

What deceptions have we fed and continue to feed to young women and men that these are wise-choices for them, for their children to-be, and for society as a whole? 

How do we come along side these young women and children with hope and not condemnation? 

How do we teach about the importance of marriage and child rearing without preaching?  

How do we uplift without enabling? 

And from my Christian worldview: How do we help young adults view marriage as a sacred institute that God has ordained, which is one of the safest and most viable places to raise children and build a strong marriage and fulfilling life?

——————————————————————————————————-

What is a Think Through?  it is an idiom that conveys the meaning of carefully considering possibilities and outcomes of a situation.

Today’s Think Through:  I would like to hear your thoughts and/or response to any of the questions I posted above or maybe you have another thought concerning this issue that you would like to address .

References:

Knot Yet: The Benefits and Costs of Delayed Marriage in America. (2013).  Retrieved March 2013 from National Marriage Project at University of Maryland: http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/KnotYet-FinalForWeb.pdf

Harmful Practices affecting Girls in West Africa: Perspectives from Ghana, Liberia, and Sierra Leone. (2011 August). Retrieved 2012 8-March from UNICEF: http://www2.ohchr.org/english/bodies/cedaw/docs/cedaw_crc_contributions/DefenceforChildrenInternational.pdf

A MEANINGFUL LIFE?

Tags

King Solomon, meaning, money, uber-rich

Let me start this blog off with a disclaimer that I do not have a problem with people being rich, as long as the money was gained honestly (and really how am I to know).  Like most people I wouldn’t complain if I had more money, but I do need to put things in perspective and recognize that compared to many in the world – I am rich.

With all of that said, I couldn’t help but “raise an eyebrow” when I read Shibani Mahtani’s article, Wealth Over The Edge, in the WSJ.Money (Spring 2013).  The author writes about Singapore being the latest playground of the uber-rich.  If you have ever been to Singapore, you know that it is a clean, orderly, and beautiful 21^st century city-state.  As an Asian city it could compete with the chic found on the streets of Paris, Milan, and New York.   I can see why it would attract wealthy people from around the world.

In her article, Mahtani describes some of the excesses of the wealthy who are flocking to the city.  For example, it is nothing for these out-of-town visitors to spend $3,000+ just to get a table at an already full nightclub, where they may purchase a $26,000 cocktail that is studded with a diamond.  She points out that some of the rich young people in their 20s already own their own corporate jets (one of the jets she writes about has a basketball court and a pool).   Singaporeans have seen an increase in expensive cars cruising their streets, flagship boutiques, and yacht clubs to accommodate the wants of the uber-rich crowd.

This drink is called the Jewel of Pangaea and sells from $26,000 to $32,000 dollars.
(see reference photo credit below).

Now I get that this is their money and this type of spending is just a drop in the bucket if you are worth billions, and even millions.  I also get that it is their right to spend it however they want as long as it is legal.  However as I was reading this article three questions kept floating through my mind.

Question #1

What effect is this type of spending having on the citizens of Singapore?  Mahtani does address some of the by-product of the excessive spending.   She notes since 2009 the price of real estate, which was already precious and expensive in this small city-state, increased by 59%.  Citizens are complaining about the new anything goes culture, which is increasingly challenging the ideals and values held by Singaporeans.  And, the criminal element is increasing in what has been known as a safe and orderly city.

Multiple reflections of Singapore (see reference photo credit below)

Question #2

Will the instantaneous pleasure many of the uber-rich are participating in be the very things that leaves many of their lives meaningless?  Who better to address this question than King Solomon, a man who during his lifetime was known for his wisdom and wealth.  In Ecclesiastes he wrote about the pitfalls of wealth that can lead to an empty and meaningless life.   King Solomon expressed,  “Come on, let’s try pleasure. Let’s look for the ‘good things’ in life.” But I found that this, too, was meaningless… After much thought, I decided to cheer myself with wine. And while still seeking wisdom, I clutched at foolishness. …I also tried to find meaning by building huge homes for myself and by planting beautiful vineyards.  I made gardens and parks, filling them with all kinds of fruit trees.  I built reservoirs to collect the water to irrigate my many flourishing groves. I bought slaves, both men and women, and others were born into my household. I also owned large herds and flocks, more than any of the kings who had lived in Jerusalem before me. I collected great sums of silver and gold, the treasure of many kings and provinces. I hired wonderful singers, both men and women, and had many beautiful concubines. I had everything a man could desire!… Anything I wanted, I would take. I denied myself no pleasure… But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere…Those who love money will never have enough.  How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness” (Ecclesiastes 2: 1-11; 5:10, NLT).

The problem that King Solomon had wasn’t that he was wealthy, but his lifestyle removed his focus from what was meaningful.  Scripture clearly indicates that his choices not only had a negative effect on him, but also on the people he served as a king.

(I do want to acknowledge that many rich people do use their money and time to serve others.  And trying to find meaning through “things” can happen in any socioeconomic group;  matter-of-fact most of us living a Western lifestyle are probably guilty of this.)

Question #3

As I thought about this article it prompted my third question, how many of us if we had the opportunity would reach out to the rich just like we would to someone in our own socioeconomic group or someone poorer?  I must confess I probably would be more hesitant.  I need to remind myself that just because someone may be wealthy does not necessarily indicate that s/he has a life filled with meaning.  Just like you and me, the rich are made in the image of God and have the same emotional and spiritual needs and longing for a meaningful life.

As I get older and become more philosophical about contemplating life’s meaning, I believe that true meaning is found in serving others.  Having money certainly can make life easier in many ways, but if we are not careful it can become a resource that can handicaps us.  In the end, money by itself can’t buy meaning.  What can?  As a Christian it should be no surprise that I believe that the foundation of true meaning is found in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and following His example of reaching out and serving mankind.   Perhaps some of you cannot agree with me about my Christian beliefs, but certainly we can all work together to become wealthier people by serving others.

——————————————————————————————————–

What is a Think Through?  it is an idiom that conveys the meaning of carefully considering possibilities and outcomes of a situation.

Today’s Think Through:  What do you think contributes to a meaningful life?  What is your perception of money and meaning?

 Photo Credits

http://www.superadrianme.com/2012/09/19/jewel-of-pangaea-a-sparkling-s32000-cocktail/

Photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/adforce1/4369749617/”>williamcho</a&gt; / <a href=”http://foter.com”>Foter.com</a&gt; / <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>CC BY-NC-SA</a>

OUR CUSTOMS – SENSE OR SENSELESS?

Tags

culture, customs, society

I was reading a book review of Jared Diamond’s The World Until Yesterday.  Diamond posits that there are things we can learn from traditional societies.  What caught my attention in the book review was the example of how a society’s customs can become so entrenched even if they are senseless.

Diamond wrote that the Kaulong people of New Guinea, until 1957, practiced the ritual of strangulation of widows (it appears that it was just females who were strangled).    There was no evidence that this practice helped the Kaulong society in anyway, but none-the-less it was so embedded in societal belief that a female widow would insist that her male relative strangle her after her spouse died.  If the male relative refused to do the dastardly need, the widow would taunt or mock him about his manhood.

HOW DO SUCH CUSTOMS START?

This raises the question, which cannot be answered in this short blog, how do such customs start?   A Liberian pastor told me a story that is a great example of how these strange customs may begin.

A number of different missionaries have served in Liberia.  In one particular instance a church was formed under the careful oversight of a missionary couple.   They not only brought their Christian convictions to the Liberians, but also worked at teaching them techniques to keep them healthy.   One of the things that the missionaries emphasized to the congregants was the importance of boiling water before they drank it so that they would stay healthy.   After the missionaries were gone (or died – I don’t know which), it became established in the church’s theology that no one could be a true Christian unless they boiled their drinking water.    After all that is what the missionaries had said they should do.

I laughed when the pastor told me this, and I grimaced when I read the story about the Kaulong widows.   Both stories have made me think about what customs I may have ingrained in my own personal and religious life that makes no sense at all and actually could harm relationships that I have with others.

MY OWN PERSONAL EXAMPLE

Let me share a personal example.   I grew up in a rural area with Southern customs.   It was a given when a man came into the house from farming or any other task, he always was expected to take his hat off.   I soon learned that the removal of your hat showed proper respect, while not removing it made your character questionable.  I had seen both my grandmother and my mother correct young men who were at our dining room table when they had not removed their hats.  I can still hear the refrain, “Young man, in our house, a man always removes his hat.”

Just a few years ago, my daughter brought home a date (who is now her husband).   I was dismayed when he did not take off his knit cap when he came into our house.   When he left I informed my daughter that a “young man in our house always removes his hat.”  To his credit the next time he came he immediately took off his cap.

Soon after this experience, I was telling a friend who is a few years older than I am about it.  She looked at me quizzically and asked if I really wanted to make the taking off of a hat an issue.   She informed me that times have changed and young men don’t necessarily take off their hats when they enter a house.  Though she did not ask, the question left hanging in the air was “Is wearing a hat in the house really a character flaw?”

I had to step back and look at my own ingrained belief and concluded that wearing a hat in the house was neither disrespectful nor a character flaw.   It was a belief that I needed to let go of.

 THE MORAL OF THE STORY (OR BLOG)

There is nothing wrong with having customs that are a part of our family, community, or church culture.    However if a custom has no benefit, then don’t hold on to it if it will hurt a relationship or cause anyone harm.

———————————————————————————————————

What is a Think Through?  it is an idiom that conveys the meaning of carefully considering possibilities and outcomes of a situation.

Today’s Think Through:  What custom do you have, or was imposed upon you, that became a stumbling block even though there was no benefit to it?

Photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/xiangxi/3890433756/”>xiangxi</a&gt; / <a href=”http://foter.com”>Foter</a&gt; / <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>CC BY-NC-ND</a>

REFLECTIONS OF LIFE

Tags

corruption, education, everyday living, Liberia, poverty, survival

REFLECTING ABOUT LIFE IN LIBERIA

As I think about what to write in this blog, I reflect back on the time I have spent in Liberia.   This is my last time at ABCU.  I am at the end of my commitment that I made to the university, and God has made it clear to me that my time has ended here.

I think of all the people I have had the privilege of meeting in the community, some I know their names and others I do not.  However, we recognize one another after my coming and going from Yekepa over the last five years.  Even though I don’t know everyone’s name, when I am out walking we nod to one another making a human connection.

My Alaskan friend, Sylvia, is at ABCU teaching this semester.  We went out for a walk the other day and she took her camera.  I thought I would share with you some of the pictures that we captured.  However, before I do let me tell you something a student said to me after I asked him, “Are you happy living in Liberia?

IT TAKES LITTLE TO MAKE ME HAPPY

“Oh yes, I am happy in Liberia.  When you grow up in Liberia you learn to be happy with little.  For example if you have to burn wood for fuel, you are very happy when you get enough money to use charcoal.  And then if you are ever able to use gas instead of charcoal to cook, you feel as if you are a very wealthy man. ”

I needed you to read what he had to say before I show you the pictures, because you will see pictures of poverty – of people just trying to survive.   I don’t know if they are like my student and happy with so little.  I do know that this is how most people live in Liberia, with little hope of changing their lives.  When you live in a third world country it is hard to pull yourself out of poverty because there are so few resources.  Liberia receives aid from many countries, but the corruption is overwhelming and often the aid does not trickle down to the common person.

CORRUPTION EVERYWHERE

I know that I sound discouraged and I find myself feeling that way many times.  However the other day one of my seniors was at my duplex talking to me, he along with other education students give me hope.  He has a passion for education and doing the right thing, as do many of my students.   I believe that one of the hopes for the common person to better himself is by receiving a good education.

Right now for those who can afford to go to school, most do not have access to a quality education system.  Many public classrooms have 60+ students – even in elementary.  Teachers often do not show up on time to teach their students and have minimum knowledge in their content area.  Few teachers have their bachelor degree and in the interior may not even have graduated from high school.  Teachers accept bribes (money or sexual) to give good grades.  They receive such a low wage that they believe accepting bribes is the only way they can survive.  Either that or they work two jobs with little or no time to prepare for teaching.  Those same teachers who take bribes also may have had to give bribes to the Ministry of Education’s District Education Officer to get or keep a job.

Everyday survival becomes not merely finding enough work, but also running the gauntlet of corruption and deciding where you will draw the line, if you decide to at all.  But I digress – here are the pictures.

THE HAPPENINGS OF THE DAY

It is easy to spot me at P-market. The commerce area of Yekepa.

On the way to the P market, the commerce area of Yekepa, we happened to meet Edward.  Edward use to work at ABCU, but was let go as most workers were when construction stopped.   Sylvia met Edward the last time she was here through mutual friends, and her Rotary Club raised money to buy Edward a pig.

Edward was celebrating a big day because his wife had just had their fourth child (four girls) that morning at 5 am.   It was now around 10:00 am and Edward wanted us to come to the clinic to see his wife and the baby.  I am thinking to myself if I was his wife and I had just had a baby, the last thing I would want is for strangers to come see me and the baby.   But off we went because there was no polite way to turn him down, and indeed having a child is a special day.

Edward takes us to see his wife and newborn daughter.

The clinic was only about a quarter of a mile from his house.  So first we went to see the adorable newborn and mother and then we headed to his house.

When we walked up to his house, Edward’s girls were doing the chores.   As soon as they saw us one of the girls went into the house and brought out a chair for us to be seated.  Liberians treat guests well.

The children are doing daily chores. The one girl was washing the dishes.

One daughter is stringing laundry on the line.

Edward took us around to the back of the house to see his prize pregnant sow and another little pig he had just bought.  We found out later that the sow had the babies, but she killed all of them by lying on them and crushing them.  Her lack of motherly instinct did not serve her well, because Edward killed her and sold the meat.  It also was disappointing for him because the death of those pigs meant the loss of future income.

Pig pen where the pregnant sow and smaller pig is kept at night.

As we talked to Edward a parade of singing women came toward us.  They were bringing the baby and mother home from the clinic to introduce to the neighbors.  The tired mother slipped into the house without a word, the other women stayed outside with the baby.   Neighbors came over to see the newborn.  A sense of community is one of the greatest gifts the neighbors can give to the child.

Women form a celebratory parade to bring the newborn home from the clinic.

Neighbors coming to see the newborn

This lady led the parade and presents the baby to the family and neighbors.

Sylvia with the baby, the sisters, and the neighbors.

After visiting for a while we said our goodbyes and went home.  We received some good news; Edward found a job working for the iron-ore company.  The company is  refurbishing some buildings destroyed by the war and making them into a business office.   After losing the pigs, this is indeed good news.  It means there will be food on the table even if it is mainly rice.

So this is life for many in Yekepa and Liberia.   One precious gift that you cannot take away from Liberians is their sense of community and helping one another.   Perhaps another gift is their ability to appreciate the little that they may have.

——————————————————————————————————

What is a Think Through?  it is an idiom that conveys the meaning of carefully considering possibilities and outcomes of a situation.

Today’s Think Through:  What do you think?  Do you think Westerners have unreasonable desires?  Is it hard for us to be happy with the small comforts of life?

RED LIGHT

Tags

Africa, Liberia, market, policeman, Red Light

The afternoon sun beat down on the Land Cruiser as we left to make the long arduous trip from Monrovia to Yekepa.  It was almost too late to start the 7-8 hour drive but at least it was the dry season – no rain, no mud.  The red dust of Liberia swirled around our car.  Dust so fine that it coats your nose and throat and hair, even if the windows of the vehicle are rolled up.

The first leg of our trip was only a few miles down the road.  We followed the university’s president to Red Light to pick-up frozen chicken and fish to take to Yekepa.  Red Light is a hustling, congested, 24/7 commercial market, with all types of activities including crime and prostitution.

We turned onto the boulevard, which out of shear necessity often becomes a five-lane road to accommodate the merging traffic.  Resurrected cars pulled along side of beat up taxis, jockeying for position on the road.  Horns honked, fists waved, motorcycles veered in and out of the traffic; pedestrians pushing wheelbarrows filled with goods bravely darted among the cars to get to the other side.

Entering the market one’s senses became overwhelmed with the crush of people, the cacophony of noise, and the smell of food and garbage.   The vivid color of African clothing was juxtaposed against the second-hand Western clothes that were being worn and sold.

Taxi cab maneuvers through the traffic.

Vendors displayed their wares under once colorful umbrellas faded by the sun.   Other sellers spread blankets down on the dirt, stood on corners, or moved through out the crowd hawking their wares.

Garbage piles were knee deep in front of some vendors emitting a foul odor as the piles baked in the hot sun.  Other garbage was being burned; the acrid smell of smoke curled up into the air.

We arrived to pick up the food, but there was no place to park so our driver maneuvered the car between the crowd and the side of the busy road.   He asked a policeman if he could park there.

“Yes, but pull up a bit.”

The president and his driver had already stepped out of their car to go into the store; our driver soon followed.  There we were three “mzunga” (east Africa word for white people) sitting in the hot afternoon sun with our windows only slightly rolled down because of concerns for safety.   Sweat rolled down my forehead and the back of my neck.  People surrounded our vehicle on both sides as they moved here and there – starring at us as if we were in a fish bowl.

Others sidled up to the car trying to sell us something or to ask for money.  A man stood, with his back to my window, attempting to entice people to buy a small square flashlight.  Over and over he shouted, “One thirty-five, one thirty-five, flash light for one thirty-five.”  Only one person stopped to look at the light, but I don’t think the person bought one.  Whether a light was sold or not probably determined if the man would have anything to eat that night.

In front of us, we watched as a policeman took bribes.   This is the way of life.

Policeman observing the crowd.

Out of nowhere a man in a red shirt comes up and yells at us, “What are you doing parking here?  You are in the way – move your car!”

The driver was gone, we had no key – no way to move the car, and where would we have gone if we could?

A policeman appeared and then two more.   About this time our driver came back and explained to the policemen that we were told that we could park there, but no one chose to believe the driver.

A crowd started to surround us to see what was going on – entertainment for the day.  Another policeman was called to come over, and the one who gave us permission to park maneuvered through the crowd and approached us.  Of course, he did not verify our story.

People crowd around our vehicle to see what is happening.

In the midst of the chaos, the people from the store began to load 500 lbs of rice in the back of the Land Cruiser and approximately 500 lbs of frozen fish and chicken on top.   Thrrump, thrrump, thrrump – the vehicle vibrated and the roof pressed downward each time the frozen goods were tossed up on the roof.   The police continued to argue with our driver about the violation.  More people gathered around us.   Our president came and intervened.

By now, my clothes are soaked with perspiration.

A ticket was written.

I thought to myself, instead of going to Yekepa we may be going to jail.  No bribe is offered.  A $50.00 ticket is issued and a policeman waved us away.

We slowly pulled out on to the crowded boulevard loaded down with rice, chicken, and fish.  Eight hours later, we make it to Yekepa.

——————————————————————————————————-

(The pictures are not very big because they were taken incognito with an iPod by one of my fellow travelers.)

ILLOGICAL CHOICES

Tags

centered, Jehoshaphat, prayer

The other day as I listened to a radio program, the radio host was talking about a study of soccer (football) goalies.   I found it fascinating so I decided to search the Internet to see if I could find the exact research.

What I found was that a behavioral economist at Ben-Gurion University in Israel, Ofer Azar, conducted a study on the position that elite soccer goalies took when they guarded against a penalty kick after a foul.   This type of penalty gives a designated player from the other team the opportunity to kick a ball 36 feet from the goal with only the goalie protecting the net.   Statistically this is a high probability shot for the kicker because he is so close, with the width of the front of the net 24 feet from side-to-side.  To stop the ball, the goalie has to decide before the penalty kick if he is going to stay in the center or move to the left or the right.   Azar studied over 300 goaltenders to see what choice they would make.

It is hard to stay centered.

WHY CONDUCT SUCH A STUDY?

Now you might be asking why was a behavioral economist studying the goaltending actions of soccer goalies?  What Azar was really researching was why people make illogical choices.  Even though the goalies knew that the better choice was to stay centered most chose to move to the left or right side.  They did this because they would rather do something than nothing at all, even though it may not be the best choice.   The goalies felt at least it looked like they were taking action.

Why did this research interest me so much, because it sounds just like me!   I am a Type A personality and I like to get things done.  If there is a problem, I want to fix it right away, and in my mind, fixing it means I need to take immediate action.  I have lived long enough to know that at times the best action is to do nothing and just stay centered.   I cannot tell you how hard this is for me to do.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN STAY CENTERED

What does it mean to stay centered when a problem occurs?  I think a good example of what it means can be found in II Chronicles 20.  In this chapter we read that Jehoshaphat, King of Judah, received a message that three different people-groups had formed a vast army to destroy Jehoshaphat and his kingdom.   Now if that had been me, I would have immediately started taking visible action to prepare for war to give myself and other people confidence that I was doing something.  Instead Jehoshaphat stayed centered in God.  He asked his people to stand with him before the Lord and to pray and fast.

Jehoshaphat said to God, “…We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help.”

The Lord replied, “…Do not be afraid!  Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

God then directed the people of Judah to go to the battlefield and to sing and give God praise.   As they did this the armies of their enemies began to turn against each other and Judah received the victory.

The story of Jehoshaphat is a good reminder that the bigger the problem the more important it is to stay centered in God and to seek His wisdom before taking action.   Caution, when you do this be ready for a surprise, because God might direct you to take action that seems antithetical to the situation (like singing and giving praise to God in the midst of a massive enemy army).

As much as I admired Jehoshaphat for his choice, he ends up being just like me when it comes to being consistent at staying centered in God.  One time I do a good job of seeking after God’s wisdom before I act and the next time I don’t.  If you want to know what I mean read the ending of II Chronicles 20, verses 35-37 and see what happens when Jehoshaphat decided to take action without seeking God’s wisdom.  Will we humans ever learn?

———————————————————————————————————

What is a Think Through?  it is an idiom that conveys the meaning of carefully considering possibilities and outcomes of a situation.

Today’s Think Through:  Today’s Think Through is a poll.  The question is what best characterizes you? Be assured that if you respond I do not know who responded to the poll.

I am off to Liberia, as usual, I will attempt to post bimonthly, but if I don’t it is because we are having trouble with the Internet.

Photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/seriouslysilly/4915117294/”>seriouslysilly</a&gt; / <a href=”http://foter.com”>Foter</a&gt; / <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>CC BY-NC-ND</a>

WELCOMING IN THE NEW YEAR

Tags

2013, gifts, hospitality, I Peter, Liberia, welcome

As I get older I am more contemplative about welcoming in a new year.  Perhaps it is because I have learned to slow down and give more thought to life, or perhaps I have a better understanding that life is fragile and that at any moment it can be turned upside down for the good or the bad.

Two things have come to mind as I welcome in 2013.  First is a welcome that I received last October at a church in Yekepa, Liberia and the other is I Peter 4:7-11.

 A Welcoming Spirit

One of my students invited me to attend a church with him in Yekepa.   I accepted the invitation and on the way there he told me that I would receive an unusual welcome.   With a grimace, I asked him if I would have to sit up front next to the pulpit facing the congregation, which I do not like to do.   I know it is very hard for my white face to escape notice in a Liberian church, but really I just want to be a part of the worship and not a spectacle.   He smiled and assured me that I would not.

I entered the church and my student and I walked toward the front to be seated with other ABCU students who are members of the church.  The service started and as occurs in most churches in Yekepa, an invitation is extended to a first time visitor to stand up and say your name and where you are from.  I did so, along with another woman.  Then the welcome ceremony started and what a welcome it was!

Playing the saw-saa and one of the drums.

I and the other visitor were escorted to the edge of our row next to the middle aisle.   The drums and saa-saa were played as the women of the church danced to the back of the sanctuary and then up the middle row of the church.  The women moved to the lively beat of the music singing a welcome song.

As they danced by me and the other lady, each woman in the procession greeted us and shook our hands.

Stopping to greet me as the lady dances up the aisle.

Moving forward some stayed at the front of the church, while others moved freely in and out of the pews.  The song and dancing continued for at least another two-three minutes with everyone in the congregation singing their greetings and shaking our hands.

A smile spread across my face because the greeting was such a joyous and beautiful welcome – as a visitor I was engulfed in a sense of genuine hospitality.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Later I found out that only about half of the congregation was in attendance.  A young man from their church had died suddenly and many had made the trip to Guinea to go to his funeral.  As I thought about this it struck me that even though all of the congregation was mourning over the loss of the young man and had their own personal problems, they still made time and room in their heart to give us a warm welcome.

Welcoming 2013 and Wondering What Will It Bring

The thought of this warm, hospitable greeting brings me back to thinking about how I will welcome in the unknowns of 2013.    What will the year be like?  Globally will countries continue to be on the brink of economic disaster?  Will we see more young children slaughtered? How many hurricanes, floods, and other natural disasters will occur?  What countries will break out in war?  What citizens will continue to die as they fight for freedom?  What will I celebrate?  What will I mourn?  How will I respond to the highs and lows of this year?

The Apostle Peter was no stranger to responding to a world that was fraught with uncertainties and danger.  In I Peter, he addressed  Christians who were being tortured and killed as they lived under the rule of Nero and who were scattered across Asia Minor.    Peter doesn’t focus on the negative, but he counsels the readers on things that they can do to live positively in the fallen world that surrounds them.

7 The end of all things is near.Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.  I Peter 4:7-11 (NIV)

So what can we learn from Peter about welcoming in and facing the challenges of 2013:

1. To pray earnestly and with discipline.  God does not need our prayers, but He welcomes them.  Prayer allows us to communicate with God by unburdening ourselves and listening to the leading of the Holy Spirit as we seek direction.  Prayer is a solace that gives us a place to run to when we want to rejoice and when we need quiet space to heal our spirit.
2. To love deeply, to care about others, and to show hospitality without grumbling.   These are all components of social support, which are keys to good health and decreasing stress not only for those receiving, but also for those giving.   What comfort we bring to others when we have a welcoming spirit that shows love and concern. Though some, like myself, do not have the innate gift of hospitality, we need to be alert to when God is asking us to extend ourselves to others.
3. To use our gifts to serve others and to glorify God.  Imagine what it would be like if each time that we used our God given gift(s) that we remembered that God gave us these gifts to build His kingdom and the strength to use them.  (A note of caution: please do not confuse the use of gifts with trying to be a superwoman who moves forward on her own strength and beyond God’s calling.)

Peter’s words bring me back to the congregation at the church.   Even though they have little in the way of material possessions, even though they know the harsh reality of life will be at their doorstep this year, and even though they were in mourning the day I visited, they set aside their own needs and instead used their gifts of music and dance to welcome us with love and joy.  May I do the same this coming year.

———————————————————————————————————

What is a Think Through?  it is an idiom that conveys the meaning of carefully considering possibilities and outcomes of a situation.

Today’s Think Through:  What are your thoughts about 2013?  Is God calling you to use a certain gift?  Has God laid a verse, a promise, or a challenge on your heart?  What will you do to welcome in and embrace the year?